Latest Hot Stories
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BEAVERS IN THE NEWS
April 30, 2010The city of Newberg may kill busy beavers that are damming up a creek on the edge of town. Public works people say the dams have plugged up a culvert, which could erode, and eventually collapse a nearby road. Some area teens have started a petition drive against the town’s plan to trap the beavers underwater, which would drown them. The dilemma has been given to the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife.
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April 30, 2010A Portland newspaper says police paid an informant to have sex with a prostitute. The story in the Portland Mercury says police used 150 dollars from their evidence fund for the informant to get the goods on a suspected prostitute by engaging in a sex act for money–the police’s money. Arrest reports show that the po-po nailed the woman shortly after her motel room hook-up with the informant. A Portland Police spokeswoman says police don’t really have rules for using evidence money in prostitution cases, but she says, after all, they use evidence money to buy drugs before arresting dealers…………..
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Let me see if I get this right
April 30, 2010IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET
1 – A JOB,
2 – A DRIVERS LICENSE,
3 – SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
4 – WELFARE,
5 – FOOD STAMPS,
6 – CREDIT CARDS,
7 – SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
8 – FREE EDUCATION,
9 – FREE HEALTH CARE,
10 – A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
11 – BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
12 – AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECTI JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION.
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The Tea Party
April 30, 2010To all the Parents and Grandparents out there !!!!
When I was a toddler, someone had given me a little Tea Set as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water, of course.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, “Just the cutest thing!”
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy.
She watches him drink it up and then says, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a toddler can reach to get water is the toilet?”
THE END (I hear you laughing!)
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Amazing 7 Year Old Signing Amazing Grace
April 29, 2010 -
Worst Foul Call in the History of the NBA
April 28, 2010 -
Unassisted Tripple Play
April 27, 2010 -
Pool Hustler
April 27, 2010 -
MORE OREGON NATIONAL GUARD SOLDIERS TO SHIP OUT
April 27, 2010Another Oregon National Guard unit has been called up to the Middle East. Soldiers headquartered in La Grande, Baker, Ontario, Hermiston, Pendleton, and The Dalles received orders to deploy in November. A total of 2700 members of the 116th Cavalry Brigade headquartered in Boise, Idaho, with units in Oregon and Montana will take part. Their training will take place in Mississippi. The unit was deployed to Iraq in 2004 and 2005.
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BOMB SQUAD EVACUATES LEBANON JUSTICE CENTER
April 27, 2010The State Police Bomb Squad was called to the new Lebanon Justice Center this morning (Tues), to investigate a suspicious package left in a carry bag. The bag was noticed by an employee arriving for work early this morning. Police evacuated the building and some of the surrounding area. The bag was blasted with water to render it safe…it turned out to contain funeral ashes. Video surveillance shows a woman leaving the bag in the building at about 5:15 PM last night.
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The IRS & Grandpa
April 23, 2010The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’
I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’
Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’
I keep telling you! Don’t Mess with Old People!!
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MORE BELLOTTI DOMINOES FALL AT THE U OF O
April 23, 2010University of Oregon President Richard Lariviere wouldn’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as to whether the university’s general counsel is being forced out over the Bellotti mess. Melinda Grier has been reassigned to teach at the las school at her present salary of almost $185,000 a year, but she won’t be re-hired in 2011. She has worked in the U of O administration since 1977. She was responsible for giving the university legal advice, and presumedly failed in that regard when Mike Bellotti was allowed to move from coach to Athletic Director with a verbal contract only. The situation led to a 2.3 million dollar payout to Bellotti when he left to join ESPN television.
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DEADLY AIRBORNE FUNGUS ATTACKS NORTHWEST
April 23, 2010It’s no sci-fi movie. There is a killer fungus that’s been identified and studied at Duke University. All 21 cases broke out in the Northwest. The fungus is called ‘cryptococcus gattii’, and 6 out of those 21 cases ended in death. Researchers say the new fungus attacks otherwise healthy people, as opposed to most fungi which attack those with weak immune systems. The disease has also attacked dozens of Northwest dogs and cats. Health care professionals have been notified to be on the alert.
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Cell Phone Etiquette
April 22, 2010 -
Iceland Volcanon Images
April 22, 2010Please click on the link below to see some more amazing images of the Volcano in Iceland.
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2009 Darwin Awards (Top Ten)
April 22, 2010Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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ONE MORE CHANCE TO WELCOME HOME OREGON HEROES
April 22, 2010One more welcome-home ceremony has been added for members of Oregon’s 41st brigade of the National Guard, just home from Iraq. Tomorrow (Fri) there will be a demobilization ceremony in Eugene at the Lane County Fairgrounds at 1:30 PM. After that, a convoy of at least two busses full of soldiers will travel up I-5 to Highway 34, head over the Harrison Street bridge into Corvallis, and up Kings Boulevard to the National Guard Armory. The party is open to the public. The soldiers should arrive at about 4:30 PM.
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SARAH PALIN’S EUGENE SPEECH–FREE–TO TAXPAYERS, THAT IS
April 22, 2010Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin speaks at a Eugene GOP fundraiser tomorrow night (Fri). Her security bill will be paid by the Lane County Republicans, who expect to clear about $190,ooo from the rally. Eugene Police say overtime costs for a public appearance of this kind could cost up to $20,000–but Palin’s speech is counted as a private event, so the GOP will foot the bill for cops and private security people. If you’re quick, you might still get a $100 ticket that will get you into an overflow room to watch the speech on big screen TV.
@kfir720am